May 2012
1 post
Love and other corny shit.
Let me open up by saying nobody should ever try to trash anybody else’s belief system unless they are asking for it by trashing yours. Everybody keep your fingers out of everybody else’s poop. KAY?
Hello, kids. Today, we’re going to talk about LOVE. Everyone stop groaning. I got into a little bit of a tiff with a friend of mine earlier about love, and unsurprisingly, I got the...
April 2012
2 posts
Strangers on the internet
I have a couple rules in regards to strangers on the internet. My first rule is don’t fall in love with them (lookin’ at you, everyone ever who has ever done anything I’ve liked.)
My second rule is to not get mad at the shitheads. This sounds a little holier-than-thou, but you can scarcely argue that the internet (my stalking victims aside) is not a gaggle of shitheads. Maybe...
October 2011
2 posts
1 tag
Datin' tips
Fill your jacket with spiders, rats and snakes. If there’s a lull in the conversation, let one loose and kill it. You’ll get that “my hero” effect, and you can just keep flingin’ ‘em out and murdering them while your date’s attraction to you multiplies.
Plans
I’d like to have super powers by the time I’m 25, rule the world by the time I’m 30, and have been assassinated by the time I’m 40.
August 2011
2 posts
July 2011
3 posts
June 2011
6 posts
1 tag
Datin' tips
Sneak up on the object of your affection and steal their wallet. Then, replace it with a note with your phone number and some x’s and o’s. Keep buying things with their credit card until they call you.
Out of context sentence of the day:
“Now I’m not saying people with breast cancer are stupid…”
May 2011
7 posts
1 tag
Datin' tips
1. Find a genie.
2. Wish it would go out with you.
1 tag
Datin' tips
Present yourself as a secret admirer. Lead them on a scavenger hunt to find out who you are. When you finally meet, chase them around screaming YOU MADE THIS BED NOW LIE IN IT!
Seriously though
stay away from my ‘palps.
Sometimes
I want to spin around like a hundred times in a second and then kick my own face off, causing it to land somewhere in Albany and violently explode, leveling a city block. In excitement.
April 2011
4 posts
What Motivates Us →
bad songs
I have the first verse of my first bad song written. So many directions I could go!
here is what I am going to do I think
I’m just going to write about 100 bad songs and see if I accidentally write a good one.
My songwriting process
1. Play a chord progression until I grow to hate it.
2. Start talking to an imaginary therapist in key.
3. Give up.
March 2011
11 posts
shitty poops
I feel simultaneously proud of and disgusted with the amount of junk I have been blowing out of my nose. I imagine this is what giving birth feels like. Emotionally though. Physically, I’m pretty sure it’s a lot different.
321
Today is one of those days where I’m pretty sure I won’t live til the end of the week. There’s a weird lump I have in my mouth, which makes me think “MOUTH CANCER” and prepare for a life of celibacy or wearing cool masks. I’m inclined toward the latter.
I plan on writing exactly one buttload of nonfiction about the last year of my life (dying or not), about the...
WAGHABLAGH
I might turn this into a tumblr about writing. Where I write about writing. I don’t know if I’m a good enough writer to do something like that but hey, I’m sure that wouldn’t stop some people.
Yo yo
I think I feel feelings at 3 a.m. (sober) more intensely than any other times.
Sometimes
I fall under the terrifying and somewhat inaccurate notion that time between graduation and turning 35 will be the most important years of my life.
pgrm asked: Thanks for the follow! :3
FACT ATTACT
If you can rhyme it, it’s true!
I love
When I write papers that have absolutely ZERO content. Like they are total bullshit. And I get B’s on them because I didn’t use enough quotes. Haw haw.
Also when I manage to make a cogent presentation out of some barely legible crap I scribbled on note cards.
Anyways, the point is that I’m pretty great.
BOOKS IS FOR CROOKS
Sometimes
When people lose their composure for the very first time while talking to me, it really excites me. I feel like we’re becoming friends.
So
There are two times when I typically can’t concentrate. One is if I’m very anxious. For example, when I start to notice how the roof of my mouth feels. Then it’s like my tongue doesn’t have enough room to dance around. The other is when I get a lot of good news at once, which is what’s going on now. It’s maddening, being this content.
February 2011
10 posts
Sometimes
I ask someone a question, and immediately stop listening when they start answering.
huliia asked: I like the unfiltered way you dump thoughts out into the Internet.
Hello friend of William.
Hello friend of William.
"I just pictured you pooping. It was gross"
“Will you go out with me?”
Advice for young single folks
The best advice I ever got for approaching a person you like was “Remember, they poop like everyone else. If you get nervous, just imagine them with painful diarrhea.”
Once you go black
you may gain some perspective on the culture of an ethnicity that is not your own.
HMM
If people like alcohol because it inhibits your inhibitions, then why don’t they just shoot up some sodium pentothal? If you’re gonna do it, do it big.
THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY
Sometimes I get thinking that it would be nice if just one thing were consistent, simple and therefor predictable and easily bent to my will. I certainly have control over some things than others though. It would be a shame if I had control over everything though. Sometimes it feels like my work ethic is like the weather. I just wake up and hope it’s going to be good today, but it seldom is...
Women
If I understand anything about women, if a girl tells you to come over at 9:30, you tell her you’ll be there at 10 and then you show up at 10:15, covered in blood. So it seems like you have a life outside of her.
The Complexity of the Creative Personality →
January 2011
14 posts
15 Styles of Distorted Thinking →
oooooh
From this moment forth, I am going to make a conscious effort to be more mysterious.
